Missing my angel

When I woke up this morning I knew I felt alittle off, this day is no special day and doesnt have any significance of any kind but i woke up feeling emotion and alittle sad. I wanted to stay home and cuddle with my bubba just cause I needed him to hold. Im not crying nor do I plan to cause I dont want puffy eyes and a headache lol, great reason huh! I miss my precious Evan very much today. Its been about a month an a half since my lastmajor breakdown(pulling out pics, the blanket he was wrapped in etc.) yea that night was a bad one. So because I dont want this night to turn into the same thing I thought I would just talk about him alittle bit and just remember how much I miss having my "Twin" boys both with me. Some people think it should all go away, other people expec you to dwell on it and some people to this day dont even know it happened or remember that it happened, which is way worse than the other 2 reasons. I just wanted to write him note and thought it would be nice to share it on here.

Dear Evan, My Precious Angel,

As you can see your brother is getting very big and watching him play I dont know how I could have handled the both of you. I know I would have managed and I would have played just the same with you both. I miss you alot when Im playing with your brother and when he learns new things. His big milestones are hard for me and I think that is why I am sad today. He is about to walk. Your little brother is sooo close to taking his 1st steps. I know you will watch over him and make sure he doesnt hit his head to many times lol or hit it to hard when he does fall. i think about if you would already be walking and teaching him or if you 2 would be learning together. He means the world to me and there isnt a day that goes by that I dont look into his eyes and see you. I know he is going to be an amazing little boy, a great teenager, and loving caring man and always my baby and ur little brother. I think about you so much and wish I could just hold you, smell you, touch you just one last time. I do go over and pick you up sometimes, but its just a cold tin and I know your looking over me saying, "Mommy, Im right here dont be sad, I will never leave you." I wish things were different but if they were different would it have been better probably not so thats why I have to tell myself you were meant to be a guardian angel all along, god just wanted me to feel you and know what your presence was like before you joined his beautiful army of angel babies. Im not crying as you can probably see, mommy feels bad if you have to see me cry. Im trying to be strong for you. Sometimes I need to cry but tonight I just want to think about how you kicked me, and the 1st time I saw you. Your mommy shauna is on her way and I know she misses you and loves you just as much as I do. You are a very loved little baby boy and will never leave mommies hearts ever. I know I will see your beautiful face, blue eyes, and blonde hair later in life but right now Im enjoying every moment of your brothers life. Thank you baby for being unselfish and keeping me, your mommy Shauna, and your brother safe from evil. We love you very much. Sleep tight and dont let the bed bugs bite ;o) Many kisses to you and I hope your keeping your great-grandpa busy, I miss him alot sometimes too. XOXOXOXO muah muah

Love you angel,

Mommy Krystal

Weekend pics

My sis Chloe

Courtney & Chloe

Ahhh family pic

Great-grandma Sue

Funky monkey quilt & sock monkey

Family Weekend!!

This weekend was so much fun! My family came to visit and they love playing with Ethan. Seeing them interact together is so cute! We went to a BBQ at our Bff's which brought back all of our old partying day memories it was tons of fun. breakfast this morning with my family was yummy and then we went shopping at the mall for my little sister. Ethan was a pretty good boy for the most part of the weekend. He is still teething so thats always fun. He has a dr appt on tues to get a couple shots and for his checkup, might get put on some more antibiotics because he has a runny nose and has been pulling at his ear so we will see. i dont have much to type about but I am posting 2 videos from tonight and him playing in his room as well as pics from this weekend. Mother's day is coming soon only 2 weeks away I love Mother's day!! goodnight and hope u enjoy the videos and pics ;o)

Playing b4 bedtime

Playpen playin...

looking for angela

ahhh auntie lala loves him ;o)

time for a drink, Gage & Ethan

we had to contain the kiddos

He was having so much fun, haha

mohawk pics

Shauna & Ethan

Ethan & I

Side Mohawk

getting to be so big

watching spongebob

Unadventurous week

Well not much happened this week, Ethan still cant walk lol but he seems to be getting closer and closer, we had family day yesterday that was fun ;o) and today Ethan and I went to meet our next door neighbors and he played with thier grandkids. His Papa came to see him today on his bike and Ethan didnt even get scared of the bike hehe. My family is coming into town next weekend so I cant wait, I know this week will go by so slow becuause Im excited for them to come out and see the new house ;o) I have some cute new pics but I left my camera at Angela's house so Ill be posting pics tomorrow night. Everything else has been going good not much changing on a day to day basis, Ethan has his 15 mon check up on the 28th even though he is techniqually 16 mons lol yeah idk what the nursing staff was thinking about that day when we scheduled him lol. Im going to go rest now Ethans in bed, Shauna wont be home til about 11 so I have apprx 2 hrs to go relax and watch a movie on the couch ;o) good night and check on tues for new pics Ill put them up tomorrow. xoxoxo

Easter Slideshow

Easter Sunday ;o)

Today was a great day, Im going to make this short but sweet because Ethan needs to go down or bed and I have a headache. Ethan had so much fun color eggs this week, he had an Easter party at school, then his Easter egg hunt today it was just priceless. He would crawl(of coarse because hes still not walkin lol) and he would find an egg then put it in his Easter basket. We had an awesome family dinner at Shauna's mom & dad's house, Shauna had to leave us to go to work ;o( Ethan was a very good boy today, he made me so happy seeing him play on the slide, and in the sand box...pics to come. On another know we were approved for a representative from Inland Regional Center to come and evaluate him, they are checking to see if he is developing mentally and physically as he should and will do activities with him if he is not and seems to be behind. They will come to the house sometime in the next 3-4 weeks and see how he does and interact with him. My family is coming out to see us on the 25th which Im excited about, I always love family visits. I decided to text my brother today and break the ice since Im the big sis and just said hi and happy easter....not much else has happened Im sure I could go on and on about today because it was an awesome family day except for the Shauna working part I didnt like that to much ;o( I better go for now so I dont make my headache worse, I am posting a slideshow (if I can figure it out) since I took soooooo many pics today of Easter ;o) Have a good night and I will be back next sunday ;o) xoxoxo

Stealing from the fridge

He found a nutter butter in the fridge

which he took a bite from

and then was going for more.....

DONT WORRY THOUGH I TOOK THE PIECE OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND THREW THE WHOLE THING AWAY HE HAD MAYBE A NIBBLE FROM IT AND THATS ALL LOL ;O) HE SURE DIDNT WANT ME TO TAKE IT AND WANT TO GET IT OUT OF THE TRASH WHILE BEING PREETY PISSED OFF AT ME WHEN I TOOK IT ;O) THERE'S THE FUNNY FOR THE WEEK HEHE

Outside fun

trying out the bounce house

sexy boy

playing in the grass

ahhh my baby and my niece

whee happy to be outside

Not much happening

Nothing has really happened this past week. Everyone is well in the house no more sickies at least for right now lol, work is going good, the house is still perfect we love it. Easter is coming soon, I cant wait were going to give Ethan a small little egg hunt and Im sure the Easter bunny will be visiting him as well. We will have Easter sunday over at Shauna's moms house. Im dont have much else going on so Im going to go read some more of my book and just relax til Shauna gets home from work goodnight.

How about a mid-week bedtime photoshoot....

paci means its bedtime

so happy before bed

bright blue eye'd boy

he loves to cuddle mommy

"Cheese"-Smile for the camera