When I woke up this morning I knew I felt alittle off, this day is no special day and doesnt have any significance of any kind but i woke up feeling emotion and alittle sad. I wanted to stay home and cuddle with my bubba just cause I needed him to hold. Im not crying nor do I plan to cause I dont want puffy eyes and a headache lol, great reason huh! I miss my precious Evan very much today. Its been about a month an a half since my lastmajor breakdown(pulling out pics, the blanket he was wrapped in etc.) yea that night was a bad one. So because I dont want this night to turn into the same thing I thought I would just talk about him alittle bit and just remember how much I miss having my "Twin" boys both with me. Some people think it should all go away, other people expec you to dwell on it and some people to this day dont even know it happened or remember that it happened, which is way worse than the other 2 reasons. I just wanted to write him note and thought it would be nice to share it on here.
Dear Evan, My Precious Angel,
As you can see your brother is getting very big and watching him play I dont know how I could have handled the both of you. I know I would have managed and I would have played just the same with you both. I miss you alot when Im playing with your brother and when he learns new things. His big milestones are hard for me and I think that is why I am sad today. He is about to walk. Your little brother is sooo close to taking his 1st steps. I know you will watch over him and make sure he doesnt hit his head to many times lol or hit it to hard when he does fall. i think about if you would already be walking and teaching him or if you 2 would be learning together. He means the world to me and there isnt a day that goes by that I dont look into his eyes and see you. I know he is going to be an amazing little boy, a great teenager, and loving caring man and always my baby and ur little brother. I think about you so much and wish I could just hold you, smell you, touch you just one last time. I do go over and pick you up sometimes, but its just a cold tin and I know your looking over me saying, "Mommy, Im right here dont be sad, I will never leave you." I wish things were different but if they were different would it have been better probably not so thats why I have to tell myself you were meant to be a guardian angel all along, god just wanted me to feel you and know what your presence was like before you joined his beautiful army of angel babies. Im not crying as you can probably see, mommy feels bad if you have to see me cry. Im trying to be strong for you. Sometimes I need to cry but tonight I just want to think about how you kicked me, and the 1st time I saw you. Your mommy shauna is on her way and I know she misses you and loves you just as much as I do. You are a very loved little baby boy and will never leave mommies hearts ever. I know I will see your beautiful face, blue eyes, and blonde hair later in life but right now Im enjoying every moment of your brothers life. Thank you baby for being unselfish and keeping me, your mommy Shauna, and your brother safe from evil. We love you very much. Sleep tight and dont let the bed bugs bite ;o) Many kisses to you and I hope your keeping your great-grandpa busy, I miss him alot sometimes too. XOXOXOXO muah muah
Love you angel,
Mommy Krystal
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