Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving was great, we had a lot of fun eating, joking around, and just being silly all day. Ethan was very good and he didnt really take a good nap either, Shauna's grandpa got to hold him and it was just a very very nice time, and I have pics to add later when I am home. There did come a time that I became very sad because we were all in a circle around the fire and my niece Taylor was going around having everyone say what they are thankful for. All of us of coarse said family, jobs, food, our kids, etc. But I soon began to realize that I was thankful for my family however only some of my family was there. My precious Evan had to watch over us as we laugh play and have fun with his brother. I was very very sad and went outside in the cold and talked to him looking up at the stars.
I told him, Mommy misses you baby so so much and the closer it comes to the holidays and the closer it gets to the day you two were born mommy gets sad, I dont want you to see me cry but if I do please wipe my tears. I miss you oh so much and want nothing more than to have both of my sons crawling to the fire, and me making xmas lists for family for both of them instead of Ethan, and when Im driving to families home for the holidays you are suppose to be in the backseat with Ethan instead of Ethan in the middle cause hes the only 1. Y did you have to leave me, Y did you have to make mommy have so many mixed emotions on the holidays. I want my twin boys back so so bad. Mommy loves you!!!!
Im still pretty sad today but I am doing better! I had so many good days and I feel many bad days coming along. No one quiet understands how Im feeling the way that I am right now, and it makes it hard for me to express it because I want everyone so bad to jump into my body and see the hole in my heart that I try to fill so much to the point that it makes it bareable to speak about my son, and look at Ethan knowing that his brother would look just the same. I dont want anyone to hurt the way that I do but I do want people to see my pain and not only because I want them to know and miss him to but I want them to see that sometimes I am awesome and some days I am dead to the world because I miss him so much! I know I need to be there for my family: Shauna, Ethan and all my family and friends but if I could leave for just a sec to hold him and give him a hug tell him I love him and kiss him I would gladly come right back to my family. I want so much to feel him in my arms to hug and kiss me the way Ethan does in the morning! I miss him so much ;o(
On a much happier note, Ethan is getting so much closer to being 1!!!!! In 24 days he will be 1 yr old. WOW how time has flown by and how well he has done from going to 1 lb 15 oz to about 22 lbs now!! My little man is growing up and isnt a baby nemore. I will be posting pics of Thanksgiving soon, as soon as I get a chance to get on the computer at home. My break is now over....wow that took 15 mins to write guess I had alot on my mind.

I am Thankful for:
The roof over my head, food in my belly, job I have to keep my steady, my sons who love me to death, my wonderful wife, all of my family, and the fact that I am now talking to my mom & dad alot more, it makes me feel good ;o)

Have a good night everyone and I will post pics in the next couple of days ;o) Have a great weekend!!!! ♥

Xmas pics

Hospital pics

My family came to visit him

Papa loves his boy

Mommy & bub

Mama & bubba

Ethan in his highchair in hospital

Turkey day is tomorrow!

Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving and as always time has just been flying by! Ethan is now 11 months old, on his way to being 1!!!! eeeekkkkk They grow up so fast, Christmas is fast approaching and its just becoming and end to 2008! Already WOW! Nothing much new has happened, we are going over to Shauna's family's house for turkey dinner and good times which I always love. Ethan now is attempting to pull himself up at least to his knees before he goes back down to his butt, and other than that nothing much has happened, I have a lot of pics I need to post so here they all come! Everyone have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

Yet another trip to the hospital

As most of you already know we spent last weekend in the hospital in the pediatrics area, because Ethan had pheumonia. We 1st took him to the Er on thursday and they said he had pheumonia and they gave us antibiotics and sent us home, we were not happy about it and were sure he needed to be admitted. We then saw his pediatrician on Fri who then admitted him into the hospital, he was having trouble breathing was holding a temp of 103 at times and we could not break it and he wouldnt eat or drink nething. He was hooked upo to Iv's and was given antibiotics thru his Iv until Sun when they sent him home. My mom and grandma came out to see him as well because that weekend we were suppose to be going out to Vegas to see them. He is doing alot better now, still congested and alittle cranky but no fevers. He also broke thru his top 2 teeth over the weekend as well. So he now has 4 teeth! EEkKKK it hurts when he bites. He can now crawl everywhere and is getting into everything! He is 11 months old today ;o( makes me sad how time flys by so fast its already about to be his 1st Thanksgiving and then his 1st b-day and christmas! WOW where has this year gone.

I have also been having many bad days missing Evan because we are coming closer and closer to the day he went to heaven and Ethan is growing up more and more making me think how wonderful it would have been to have my two babies learning to crawl and getting in to trouble together. I have almost convinced myself that I do not want another baby ever because I dont want anything to happen to him/her and I cant do the hospital things again it is just to hard to handle. I miss Evan so much and cant begin to think why I had to loose my little angel! I would have been an awesome mommy to my boys. On Dec 18th we are going to let off balloons in memberance of him as well as just kinda sit around and try not to be sad but I know I will be a mess. I am to the point now that talking about him makes me sad sometimes because time is just so hard thinking he cant be with me.

My break is over, I have new pics of bubba as well as pics of him when he was in the hospital that I am going to try to put on as soon as I get a free second to myself. It seems like I dont even have a moment to breathe by myself let alone get time to do things that I need to do. I work all the time and then have time for nothing else because I am mommy when I get home. I need a well deserved vacation! I will try to update my posts more, since I can now write them at work I just dont have the pics at work to upload them. Good night all!!

Halloween pics ;o)

Grandma & her Grandkids

Silly Bub

Happy Sock Monkey

Happy lil family

My monkey trying to crawl

ok so Im slacking

I know it has been a long time since I have written on here and it is so hard ecspecially cause the computer is in Mike & Angela's room so its hard for me to get in there and be there for a long time. Halloween was a blast Ethan absolutely loved every bit of it, he was so cute in his sock monkey outfit and I promise pics to follow soon, Im a work writing this now because I have a free sec. He loved going up to the houses and we even allowed him to have a lick of a lollipop he loved it. wanted more and more but we had to say no ;o) He is doing well, not sick nemore thank goodness and I think he is trying to get another tooth on top eeeekkkk, I hate teething it makes him so cranky! He can now crawl as long as it is to something he wants and not because mommy wants him to crawl, he is now getting his little hand smacked for touching things and he has learned the work NO lol several times. He loves things he is not suppose to have. I hate working late hours because I never get to see him or Shauna but things are working out well, we are saving alot of money looking forward to the holidays and just spending time with our family, I am SO excited that next weekend we get to take a family trip to Las Vegas to see my family who hasnt seen Ethan since he was like 5 months old or so. They will be happy to see how big he is and how much he can now do. ;o) Other than that not much has changed Ethan went to the Dr the other day to get a shot and he is now 29 1/2 in long but still 21 lbs. He feels like a toddler lol. he doesnt go back to the Dr til Dec 10th for another shot, his synagis shot which helps him not get RSV, which is good. Well I better go my 15 min break is over, I will put on Halloween pics tonight, tomorrow, or Sun for sure so you can see how cute my little man was. talk to everyone soon and sorry Ive been slacking I need to get better at updating this things since Ethan is doing so many new things gotta go. ♥