Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving was great, we had a lot of fun eating, joking around, and just being silly all day. Ethan was very good and he didnt really take a good nap either, Shauna's grandpa got to hold him and it was just a very very nice time, and I have pics to add later when I am home. There did come a time that I became very sad because we were all in a circle around the fire and my niece Taylor was going around having everyone say what they are thankful for. All of us of coarse said family, jobs, food, our kids, etc. But I soon began to realize that I was thankful for my family however only some of my family was there. My precious Evan had to watch over us as we laugh play and have fun with his brother. I was very very sad and went outside in the cold and talked to him looking up at the stars.
I told him, Mommy misses you baby so so much and the closer it comes to the holidays and the closer it gets to the day you two were born mommy gets sad, I dont want you to see me cry but if I do please wipe my tears. I miss you oh so much and want nothing more than to have both of my sons crawling to the fire, and me making xmas lists for family for both of them instead of Ethan, and when Im driving to families home for the holidays you are suppose to be in the backseat with Ethan instead of Ethan in the middle cause hes the only 1. Y did you have to leave me, Y did you have to make mommy have so many mixed emotions on the holidays. I want my twin boys back so so bad. Mommy loves you!!!!
Im still pretty sad today but I am doing better! I had so many good days and I feel many bad days coming along. No one quiet understands how Im feeling the way that I am right now, and it makes it hard for me to express it because I want everyone so bad to jump into my body and see the hole in my heart that I try to fill so much to the point that it makes it bareable to speak about my son, and look at Ethan knowing that his brother would look just the same. I dont want anyone to hurt the way that I do but I do want people to see my pain and not only because I want them to know and miss him to but I want them to see that sometimes I am awesome and some days I am dead to the world because I miss him so much! I know I need to be there for my family: Shauna, Ethan and all my family and friends but if I could leave for just a sec to hold him and give him a hug tell him I love him and kiss him I would gladly come right back to my family. I want so much to feel him in my arms to hug and kiss me the way Ethan does in the morning! I miss him so much ;o(
On a much happier note, Ethan is getting so much closer to being 1!!!!! In 24 days he will be 1 yr old. WOW how time has flown by and how well he has done from going to 1 lb 15 oz to about 22 lbs now!! My little man is growing up and isnt a baby nemore. I will be posting pics of Thanksgiving soon, as soon as I get a chance to get on the computer at home. My break is now over....wow that took 15 mins to write guess I had alot on my mind.

I am Thankful for:
The roof over my head, food in my belly, job I have to keep my steady, my sons who love me to death, my wonderful wife, all of my family, and the fact that I am now talking to my mom & dad alot more, it makes me feel good ;o)

Have a good night everyone and I will post pics in the next couple of days ;o) Have a great weekend!!!! ♥