Yesterday, December 18, 2011, marked the 4 year anniversary that our angel Evan Michael grew his wings and began his journey as not only our son but as our guardian angel as well. Rather than be saddened on this day like we usually are we decided this time that we would celebrate his remembrance talk about him and just enjoy the day that once caused us so much sorrow and pain.
Dear Evan,
I will never forget the feeling of something being wrong, never forget the feeling of knowing I needed to do something but had no idea what the "it" was, never will I forget the pain and emptiness I held in my heart the day the doctors said "I'm sorry." however I will also never forget the strength you gave your brother during his NICU stay, or the strength you gave your mommies during the last 4 years to keeping going on with life and thriving with your brother in it. I hate to be sad because of you leaving me but sometimes its something that can not be shielded. It melts my heart now that your brother is old enough and wants to know about you and what happened. If you ask Ethan what happen to you he says, "My brother died in Mommy's belly, and went to heaven to watch us!" He is growing up to be a smart little boy and I know you would have as well. This year I did not write you a long note tied to your balloon rather a bell because Ethan & I learned something from an ornament we have "When a bell rings, and angel gets its wings!" I wanted your bell to ring the whole way up to heaven in hopes that many angels would get their wings and make sure you got your birthday balloons. Happy Birthday my sweet son, you are always, always, always and forever in my thoughts and not a moment goes by that I don't miss you so greatly!!! ♥
Love- Mommy ♥
♥ A Poem that is very dear to my heart ♥
Oh Mother, My Mother
By Theresa Cochrane
I touch your tears,
invisible fingers soothing your skin
I know you think of me so often
in the day, in the night, in your dreams
going into an empty nursery
knowing I'll never be there
but I am...in your heart, in your soul,
I shall always be
for you gave so unselfishly of yourself
Inside of you, you created
such a world for me
a world of laughter, of love
of sadness, of sorrow
every emotion people come to know
you shared with me.
And even though I may never feel your arms around me
I felt your heart beating,
like a lullaby, singing me to sleep.
and your spirit giving me a safe haven
already protecting me, nurturing me
preparing me for things to come
But sometimes the journey of life pulls souls apart
and yes, I had to go on to another place.
I wish I could stay
I wish this was a decision I could make
and I know you do too.
Know this, wherever you are:
I will always remember
that yours was the first love
the first joy, the first soul
I will ever know
you gave me the courage to
go on in my journey
I hope I can do the same for you
Your heart beat will always call me to you.
Love, your child
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