My brother was recently asked in regards to me "What is her most notable weakness and why?"- his response "kindness, she's very open hearted and caring" all of which I agree 100% and I'm so happy to have a brother so many miles away that knows me so very well, it warms my heart. However it got me to thinking more and more at the question at hand..... Can someone be to kind??? AND If so can someone go through so much and have so much done to them that the kindness dies slowly inside them??
I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, given to others before myself, helped others even when I was so overwhelmed myself, and smiled even when I didn't feel like smiling.....but why? Because I'm nice, because I'm kind, because I care so much about others and their well-being that I push my own aside. I have forever been a people pleaser putting everyone else's happiness before my own.
I realized that this was an issue and I started doing things that made me happy, don't get me wrong I love to make my kids and wife happy and spoil them rotten when I can with all that they ever desire but I've also learned that at times I need to speak up for myself, I need to not just put on a happy face but to express what upsets me however it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. No one seems to care for the "speak you mind" Krystal they prefer the "please everyone smile and grin" Krystal but I hate to say it I'm over being that person I just want to be understood and I'm not sure I ever will be. I want a happy middle but it's so much easier to hide my feelings, keep quiet, don't show my feelings just to protect the feelings of others. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm emotionally fed up and just don't want to do it anymore why bother. I've learned I'm going to please my loves and make them happy and myself making that all that matters and just hope that I'm understood not for who I am but for who I hide inside!
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