Rant........(Warning)

Id like to start by saying....WARNING....this is a personal post and I'm letting all my feeling out, if you are family and think this may be about you, please do not continue to read unless you want the RAW HONEST TRUTH about my inter most feelings scroll past it....with that being said here goes.

APOLOGY- a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another

Lets start right there the purpose of an apology is to acknowledge to the other party involved that you were wrong for what you did, you are TRULY sorry for what has been done, and you are willing to move forward and start to repair the broken. What has happened to draw me to this post is not important nor will I display the business in this manor, however I am such a humble person and when my feelings are hurt or I feel something is wrong Id rather ignore it that face it and have to deal with fighting, fussing, or disagreeing, instead I smile and move on....well I'm pretty much tired of being nice and moving on. Its time to know how I truly feel and if you cant handle it sorry about it. This main rant is intended for one individual and not necessarily my entire family however there are a few things I will touch regarding others that I think need a tad bit of an eye opener.

I am not greedy, I am not money hungry, I am not stuck up, and I do not look less upon you because you have less than me!! I do feel hurt when I am lied to, I do feel left out because you think I'm different than you because I bettered myself, I do get very angry at the fact that you will blame me for the things you have done. Alot of this will not make sense and I will probably rant on about it. Because I have given myself a good home, I keep a roof over my families head by myself without asking for assistance, I think that its "ghetto" to dress inappropriate in public places does not mean I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. Yes I have different beliefs, I'm a mother and things change, Yes I think things are wrong now when before I might have condoned some of those things, I was a kid and now I'm an adult and grown up. I'm sorry that YOU think I'm better than you because I DO NOT think I am. I have done nothing but be there for my entire family, I am the one that drive 3 hrs to visit them, I am the one that when I'm there I plan my family activities with my wife & child around when I can visit my sisters, mother, and uncle, and I am the one that texts updates on my life when things change HOWEVER when was the last time other than birthdays you've been here? or whens the 1st time you have seen my house? or even been out to see me?(other people intended) I shouldn't have to put every effort into making my family work. I love to visit my grandma and when I do visit her I feel obligated to make everyone see each other they don't offer. I have gone above and beyond my power as a daughter and sister and any obligation I have to my family. Yet I am faulted for allowing my wife to speak her opinion in how she feels because she truly knows the inner me and how upset i am regarding the disfunctionalness of our family. I have been to therapy to get over the things that have happened in the past and even have forgiven my parents for some of the wrong decisions they made when I was a child, I'm successful now so there is no reason to allow that to both me; yet I'm extremely bothered that someone can tell me that MY WIFE is not family to them and that she treats you differently. I'm sorry to tell you but she loves me with all her heart and she is very respectful to my entire family and even though there are times she could be very disrespectful she does not. Family is suppose to be there unconditionally but when you feel that I took my wife's side over yours I think it might be time to grow up. You will not even allow me to talk and try to make things happen. You say that the love you have for me and Ethan isn't enough, so does that mean you are disowning me. My goodness I am so upset regarding his whole matter and wish things didn't happen this way but because it started as a constructive sisterly criticism I am faulted and now I'm suffering. I am fed up trying, I am fed up with the BS, I am tired, oh so tired, of trying to make things work. I will of coarse continue to travel to visit grandma as well as anyone else that wishes to see me ie: mother, sister, uncle, etc. however I'm no longer going out of my way to make things work. Its a 2 way street and its time for people to start driving my way instead of me always chasing their ass! I have so much more to say but don't even know how to get it out.
So here's my advise take it or leave it for what its worth...#1 your an adult now, time to grow up make big girl decisions, and think about your long term effects with things you do now. Life doesn't revolve around partying and things will come around if you work hard for them. You no longer want to speak to me fine, whatever I will not push the matter, however its probably important to see your nephew at some point in time #2 you are to young to not be in school, home school is bullshit and whether it takes you til your 20 like Curtis, (;o) you still need your diploma and to actually work on building a life for yourself. Some of the decisions you have done in the past I don't agree on but I also don't dwell on them, I am hoping that these issues do not interfere with us however if they do I will not try to make it work, like above said I'm tired. I just want you to be as successful as you can and the only way i know how to express that is to push you which sometimes means talking shit and being mean. #3 I am proud at how far you have come in the past 4 years and to think of how our relationship was then to now is amazing, I'm glad you are trying to get on your feet and I wish you well in doing so. I don't agree with some of the choices you make with your children however they are not mine and I don't have to agree, I do love that you are in Ethan's life but wish it was more often, I do feel sorry for the person that has to help you alot and wishes you well prospers in your job to be able to be more on your feet. :o) I hope that these issues don't interfere with our relationship that we've build and I hope to continue to change it even if we don't see eye to eye all the time. #4 I wish you would visit me or even just stop for a meal if we have time when you come thru, I miss seeing you, you are like my 2nd father and what you think of me means alot but I also wish you made more time to see me when I'm there and when you come thru CA. #5 I Love You grandma and I do not want any of this to stress you out. I appreciate all that you do for our entire family and hope that one day you will be greatly paid forward for all that you have done, will do, and continue doing! You truly are the rock of this family even if every one else doesn't see it. I'm sorry to rant but typing is the only way I know how to express my emotions its to hard to talk about them. Thanks for reading and I am ready to move on now that I have expressed all my suppressed feelings to happier stories and fun activities. :o)