Mommy just picked your remains up from the funeral home, I cant say I picked you up because I know that you are always with me. The box is now so heavy with your ashes in it. ;-( Mommy was sad driving home and I'm sorry you had to see that, I always pictured taking you home with you in the backseat in your car seat with your brother, but instead you were next to me in a tin can in the front seat. I miss you oh so much baby boy. Mommy has tried not to be sad for the last couple days, because I know you watch over me and I don't want you to think I am always sad when I think of you honey. Your brother is doing really well, and I know its because your right there by his side making him stronger and more feisty each day. I know you are safe and that is what makes mommy OK and happy. Someone sent me a message with this little note about god talking to a mommy about her son that she didn't have, and after reading it I realized I do have you, I just have you in a different way that I have your brother. You are here to watch over me, to protect me, to make sure I live a long and happy life so I can be with your mommy and your brother. While your brother is here to keep me on my toes, remind me of you, and to keep living on to be a strong boy, and later on man. We all love you so much and I will never ever forget you my dear. You will always be in mommy's mind forever. I'm so happy that all of you is now home with me, but now I'm also sad because it makes it more of a reality that you are actually gone and mommy cant do anything about it. It is out of my hands, it has been since the day we lost you but I liked to think that it wasn't til now. I love you baby boy, you are so precious. Here is that message I told you about. Mommy knows your home and safe! muah
What makes a mother?
I closed my eyes and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard Him say, A Mother has a baby. This we know is true. But God, can you be a Mother when your baby's not with you?"Yes you can!", He replied with confidence in His voice, "I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice."Some I send for a lifetime and other's for a day. And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear. "We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me I learned my lesson very quick My Mommy set me free. I'll miss my Mommy oh so much but I'll visit her each day. When she goes to sleep on her pillow is where I will lay. I'll stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, Mommy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here So you see my dear sweet one, your child is OK. Your baby is here in my home and this is where he'll stay. he'll wait for you with me until your lesson is through. And on that day that you come home he'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother. It's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.
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